The last few days I seem to be surrounded by talk of old age. My alarm goes off this morning, followed by the one on my phone. I walk across the room, retrieve them, and carry them both to bed with me. A few years ago, at the time I started seriously meditating, I was determined to keep slowly but surely reducing the amount of sleep I get; I wonder if some crucial part of me has turned its back on that promise, even though the mind still pays lip service. My meditation shrine is right beside my bed; my room is so small that it cannot be otherwise. This is a bad thing, for it allows me to hoist myself upright so I am sitting on the side of my bed, and tell myself I am meditating. No. Go and wash yourself first Shane, and then sit down on the meditation stool, that's what it's there for. But there is no response.
After about half an hour (I hope, there is no way of telling) my lethargic body then decides it has fulfilled its obligatory 'meditation' requirement (intermittent aspiration and doze, like Morse Code) and topples over onto the bed. Shane, you're going to get up and do some reading. Again, no response.
And then I have a dream. My teacher, Sri Chinmoy , is there and everyone around me is either going for a run or a walk, this has been going on some time every day for a few days but I have been completely unaware of this, and I'm stuck there watching them saddled with these thick white clothes and a rucksack and no place to change. But this dream is not the usual addled jumble thrown up from the subconscious; my (rare) dreams with Sri Chinmoy in them always have this inner realness about them, for in sleep and in waking, the message of my meditation teacher resonates with the message of my soul.
Also just last night I read Arpan's posting on the Sri Chinmoy Inspiration Group describing how Sri Chinmoy can be seen driving around the neighbourhood close to where he lives inspiring all of those out for a run. I too need inspiration to overcome a lethargy or inner resistance at the moment. I'm trying to start a line of work (I'll not call it a business) at the moment, but despite the fact that the rent is due next week and there are all manner of bills to be paid, despite the fact that for once my inner being actually seems to cuncur that I should be earning a bit more, I find it hard, it's hard somehow to just get out there and do it. Unconsciously I have been doing all manner of 'easier' things this week to keep myself from biting the bullet, all sorts of reasons for delaying have presented themselves and been snapped up eagerly. Standing still while the other runners are already off. Well, the past is dust, as Sri Chinmoy always says. Let's see what happens tomorrow.
Pictures by Mandu Trummer .